This week I finally took the plunge and went freelance. I am now a freelance writer. It wasn’t a decision I took lightly.
I have been thinking about doing it for years, but never had the courage. But a few things have happened to me recently to tip me over the edge. For example, it’s my wedding in two weeks’ time, and I was getting increasingly stressed out with hectic schedule and long working hours. When I heard my previous employer was looking for freelancers, I thought: what the heck? Why not!
Here’s a few things I’ve learned from my first week as a freelancer.
1. The Grass is Always Greener
The dream of working freelance is completely different to the reality. I thought I’d love the flexibility of choosing my hours. But I’m finding it difficult to get up in the morning. When I was at work, I’d go to the gym at 5:30am – now, I’m lucky if I’m rising at 7am.
This has surprised me. I’ve always been hugely driven, self-disciplined and determined. Suddenly I’m doubting whether I should be doing this at all. The motivation that has always kept me going seems to have disappeared. Which is scary! Where’s my hunger when I need it?!
2. Building a website is hard!
I created a website for my wedding a few months ago, and it was so straight forward. Everyone commented on how professional it was, so I assumed using WordPress to build my personal website would be as easy. Wrong! It’s so complicated!
I’m slowly getting there, but there’s lots of it I don’t understand and I get so frustrated. Every hour I spend not getting it right is an hour I feel is wasted. I know this isn’t the attitude, that I should treat it as a learning experience and feel great satisfaction when I succeed. And I’m sure there are heaps of YouTube videos to help. But at the moment it’s a slog.
(It doesn’t help that I’m getting used to my MacBook Air, which I’m also struggling with. Why didn’t I just get a regular laptop?!)
3. I need a schedule
I’ve come to the conclusion that I need a schedule. Even though the whole idea of going freelance is to have the freedom to work when and where I want, I realise I’m not productive without structure to my day. I’m finding that – left to my own devices – I get caught up in certain tasks (not always productive, such as trawling through the same job sites), while neglecting others.
So tomorrow, I’m drawing up a schedule. This will include gym sessions (finally I’ll be able to go to the early morning classes!), blocks of time doing paid work, breaks with periods for personal development, blog writing and applying for jobs. There’s a reason I went freelance – to find my worklife balance again. Unfortunately, at the moment, that’s lacking.
4. Unless I’m careful, my heating bills are going to bankrupt me!
For some reason, whenever I dreamt of freelancing I saw myself writing in front of an open fire with two cats on my lap and a smile on my face. In reality, I can’t build a fire, the central heating’s on, and I’m wearing two jumpers and a onesie. And I’m still cold. This is not economically or emotionally viable!
I have discovered my local library, and realised that working from there is a Good Thing. It’s quiet, peaceful and warm. And I’m completely free from distraction. I’m also going to try out the local coffee shop, although I don’t want to ‘waste’ my money having to buy hot drinks every day. Which leads me to…
5. You become hyper aware of what things cost
Now I’ve gone freelance, I must be earning a quarter of what I was in full-time employment. When I think about it, I wonder why I’m bothering. It’s like I’m a student again, counting the pennies, not allowing myself flat whites and avoiding shop windows. I know going freelance is a lifestyle choice, and that I don’t ‘need’ the money I was on before. But I miss that feeling of not caring what things cost. I’m not sure I can get over that.
6. I miss having colleagues
Now I never, ever thought I’d say this, but I actually miss having colleagues. Funny that, because when I was in the office, I used to get fed up with people! I disliked the politics, there were always certain folk I’d prefer not to work with, and I resented having to abide by someone else’s rules (for example, not being able to wear headphones to help me concentrate!)
But listen to me! I miss them! I don’t want to be alone with my thoughts for eight hours. I don’t think I’ve said a word to anyone today – that can’t be good for me. I might have to join an evening club, or get involved in an online community or something. I’m hoping that when I get some more freelance work, there will be more regular interaction. Cos at the moment, I feel a bit lonely!
7. It’s a rollercoaster
I don’t know whether it’s because I’m getting married in two weeks (yikes!) and am feeling emotional in general, but I’ve been really up and down this week. One minute I’m on a high, especially when my partner goes out the door and I think: “Ha, I can stay in bed as long as I like!” The next, I’m feeling panicky, anxious and I start to question whether I’m really doing the right thing.
I know you have to think about the long-term, and that going freelance is likely to be a slow-burner, but it’s quite daunting not having a lot on. Yes, I’m incredibly lucky – I do have work, and it’s writing I love. But what about all the other applications I’ve sent off this week, all the other opportunities I’ve applied for? What if I’m relying on one client, and the work runs out. What then?
8. The temptation to find a full-time job is great
The temptation to apply for a full-time job again is huge. Even though I’ve taken the plunge into freelance, and have committed to giving it a go for six months, I can’t stop looking at permanent jobs. The promise of a generous holiday entitlement, a pension, childcare vouchers… Even though I don’t have kids, I want all that! What are my benefits? Yes, I get to work from home and pick and choose my hours. But what if that’s not enough? At least I’m having a go and will soon find out.
So, there you have it. Freelancing isn’t quite what I expected. But, you know what, it’s going to be alright. I plan on blogging my way through it, and learning a lot along the way. If you have any thoughts, suggestions or comments to help me through, I’d love to hear from you. Feel free to post your comments below!
CAROLINEWORDSMITH 